One way to initiate change for yourself or others is to find a small bit of change in the process and then inquire about it. In the world of therapy this is called Solution Focused Counseling. You won’t need a therapist to benefit from its genius. Let’s say you have a very disappointing meeting with your KOL (or your family member!). Normally we would give it a good mental post-mortem in terms of what we did wrong, the failure it represents, the times when our self-confidence was hit pretty hard, etc. Using the Solution Focused Approach, our first question to ourselves (or to our discouraged MSL colleague) would be something akin to “What’s it like when it’s not like that?” A follow-up to that might be, “How did you decide to that?” and “What gave you the courage to make that move?”
Here is a short example: Let’s say your new KOL decided to evaluate you out and things didn’t go so well. You became more nervous as time went on. More and more like a final oral exam, all you could do was quietly count the minutes. It ended awkwardly. You walk out to the car and call a friend, and she says, “How were you able to stay there the whole time?” and/or “How were you able to keep your composure?” and/or “How did you decide to call me instead of just feeling bad by yourself?” Each of these questions will yield a positive response. But what if your friend said, “Oh my, that must have been terrible!” and/or “You don’t have to go back there do you?” and/or “That happened to me once and…”?
Look for small moves. “I stayed because he kept talking and I shifted to listening mode, I thought of myself as a student with a teacher” and/or “I kept my composure by remembering pharmacy school exams, I have to barrel through” and/or “I knew that if I didn’t call you, I’d be a mess all afternoon and I have more appointments today.” All positives. You don’t need to call a friend, simply ask yourself!